Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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