You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
