y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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