doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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