We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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