there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
