You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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