I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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