i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
