so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
