You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
