An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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