Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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