Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
