is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
