I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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