he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
