I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
