Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
