can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
