Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
