One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
