What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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