Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
