tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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