when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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