I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
