on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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