I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
