Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
