I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
