I puked a lego.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
