My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
