Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
