ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
