he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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