maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
