You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
