What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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