Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
