I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
