but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
