I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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