my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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