It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
