he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
