Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
