So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
