8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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