i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
