he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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