I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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