i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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