this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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